Here is Part 4 of the 4-part email report:
"Five Things You Need To Know To Respect Your
Child's Needs."
(You requested it from adhdparentingtips.com.)
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Part 4 - "The 8-Step Ticket to Assertive Parenting"
You have probably noticed that your child with
ADD/ADHD (attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder)
is easily emotionally overwhelmed. He or she seems
to pick up the negative emotions of others.
That's because visual cues speak loudly to your
child.
And that's why it's absolutely essential that you
keep your cool, even when times get tough.
Some parents tolerate their child's unacceptable
behaviors—interrupting, whining, complaining,
and not minding—for as long as they can possibly
stand it.
Then they erupt in anger, hitting and yelling.
This is called passive aggressive behavior.
When a child with ADD/ADHD sees his or her parents go
from calm to hysterical in minutes, with no
transition in-between… It's confusing.
Assertiveness is standing up for yourself without
violating the rights of others. It is expressing
feelings and opinions openly and honestly.
Practice being assertive. It's the way out of the
passive-aggressive trap.
State your expectations and what is unacceptable
to you. Be firm about your rights and model
self-respect.
Your child will learn by watching you do it rather
than by hearing how to do it.
When you learn to be assertive, you can get control
of any situation, and your child will respect you.
These are the eight steps to assertiveness. For
example, if your child is jabbing at the family's
dog with an umbrella…
1.Maintain eye contact when you speak, to focus
attention, not stare. Establish eye contact and
say your child's name.
For example, "JJ"
2.When you speak, use a calm and level tone to
convey firmness. If the person is clearly
emotional, speak in monotone.
For example, "JJ, I see you using the umbrella to
scare the dog. This is a safety issue. Stop now."
3.Express your feelings about what just happened,
both positive and negative. Use "I" statements.
For example, "I am afraid of your hurting the dog
or it hurting you."
4.Make an empathetic statement reflecting your
child's feeling.
For example, "You might feel excited as if you have
found a new way to play with the dog."
5.Request a change of behavior or state your
expectation of that interpersonal situation.
For example, "I want you to put the umbrella back
in the umbrella stand. It is a tool, not a toy."
6.Persist (repeat like a tape recorder) in stating
your expectations and feelings.
For example, "This is a safety issue. I want you to
return the umbrella to the stand now."
7.Reinforce your verbal statement with matching
nonverbal gestures and body language.
For example, walk over to your child. Keep looking
straight at him or her. (If needed, take the umbrella
firmly away from him or her and return it to the
umbrella stand.)
8.Empower yourself and bring closure to the
incident.
For example, "Thank you for responding to my first
request. I hope you learned to play safely. And
not use tools as toys. Go find something else to
play with."
It takes more to teach assertiveness skills than
we can go into here. (Soon you'll learn how to get
more training.)
So practice being assertive. Look in the mirror.
And practice, practice, practice.
Remember the lessons in the four parts of this
report. Now at least you know how to keep from doing
the things that make matters worse.
You still have more to learn about providing
structure and proper emotional expression. And how to
reward and discipline your child.
And we haven't even touched on our world-class
one-liners — the potent word pills that stop your
child's whiny disrespect.
Or how to help your child succeed in school.
(The topic parents ask us about most.)
Learning to help your child overcome ADD/ADHD and feel
more successful is a journey. Because your child's
needs change as he or she gets older.
Stick with me and I will guide you through the maze.
Raising your child with ADD/ADHD is about to get much
easier. And you're about to enjoy happier family times.
And feel more confident and successful as a parent.
Sincerely yours in parenting success,
Debra Sale Wendler
http://www.adhdparentingtips.com
PS. Be on the lookout for a valuable bonus from me
coming soon. Something special for having come
this far.
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Respect Effect® Publishing, Inc.
5114 Balcones Woods Drive, Suite 307 Austin, TX 78759
Please share with me your thoughts, questions, and
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Please allow these truths to help you and your
child feel more successful. Denial and
procrastination will only make matters worse.
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