|  |  |  | | | | | | SECTION I – The L in L.E.A.D.E.R.S.: LOVE | | |
“Friends Like but Leaders Love”
How many times have you heard aspiring managers say, “I want to be in management because I like people”? The simple truth is, someone who does not “like people” is better suited to being a recluse than to being a leader of others. On the other hand, I believe that liking people can also be a major impediment to being an effective leader. I suspect that many of you are now questioning my logic, so let me make it even worse. I believe that it is just great for you to like your dearest friends, but you must not like your staff, you must love them. I have not chosen the word “love” to be inflammatory. I truly mean love, not like. The difference between what I mean, and what you may be thinking is the key. When I say love, obviously I do not mean erotic love. Nor do I mean the kinds of love that you have for your spouse or significant other; nor do I mean what you feel for your family members. Indeed, those kinds of love are (generally) unconditional. Some of you know that “Aloha” in Hawaiian means Hello; some know it means Goodbye; however, it actually means neither of those, it really means Love. The Hawaiian culture uses the word “Aloha” to mean a type of love that we can have--and I believe should have--for all of humanity. This Aloha is the love we feel for other humans because they are uniquely human and that they are the most important beings on the planet. This love of people as humans is what I want you to have for your staff. You should love your staff so much that you care for them simply because they are humans and you want the best for them. On a societal level, that may mean the joy of liberty, equality, justice and the pursuit of happiness. In your organization, it should mean that you want them to achieve excellence in their jobs so that your unit achieves peak performance. What is good for their success will also be good for the un! it’s success. As a leader, do not like your staff. That may seem radical, but it is an essential element of your ability to lead. Liking a staff member may cause you to ignore mistakes made; and by disliking a staff member, you may ignore the things that are done well. Liking or disliking can cause bias in your thinking, and as leaders we must always remain focused on helping our associates to leverage their strengths and improve their weaknesses. If we can not eliminate bias, we can not accomplish that critical goal. | | | SECTION II – Mini Case – “The Friendly Boss ” | | |
Janet had never been happier in her job than she was two months ago, when she was promoted to Litigation Group Leader in the Chicago office of her law firm. Having been part of the litigation group in the same law firm since graduating from law school ten years ago, Janet was proud to be awarded this new responsibility. It had surprised Janet that the firm’s senior partners had chosen her to replace the retiring litigation group leader, as there were several more senior attorneys in the group. Nonetheless, Janet’s performance over the years, beginning with working for the most senior litigator in the firm, to most recently winning a really big product liability case for the firm’s largest corporate client, had earned her the promotion.
On the day following the official announcement, Janet was proud to receive a congratulations card signed by all five litigation partners in the office. They were all delighted that she had been appointed the new leader because they all considered her a true friend and colleague. That was a major victory for Janet, since the firm had never had such a young partner as a litigation group leader. In short, she had built a warm and comfortable relationship with the other attorneys and it showed in the warmth of their feedback. That was two months ago. Today was a different matter. Janet was not looking forward to going into work this morning. The firm’s managing partner has scheduled a meeting with her to discuss the recent problems in the litigation group. In the last two months, one of the partners in the section (who also happened to be Janet’s best friend) had lost two big cases that everybody thought were “slam dunks to win.” In addition, two of the best and brightest young associate attorneys had left to join a rival firm in Chicago. She knew that today’s meeting was going to be unpleasant at best. Worse still, Janet felt as though her relationships with the partners had deteriorated. They were still good friends, but she was frustrated by the fact that their performances weren’t meeting expectations. Although she had not asked them directly, she also had the feeling that they were not responding to her ! guidance and counsel. Question: What caused Janet to go from star to goat? Well once again, we can not be really certain, but there are some clues:
It is clear that Janet has developed a close, friendly relationship with her fellow attorneys. They all like her and she likes them. In addition, she and her partners believe that those relationships will work to everyone’s advantage as Janet takes on her new role as group leader. It is also clear that Janet is an excellent attorney who had proven her skills in the courtroom. It is not clear why the litigation group has suffered from problems in the two months since Janet took over as leader. There is either a huge “run of bad luck” or there is a leadership problem. Unfortunately, I think we all suspect that it is a leadership problem. My guess is that Janet has made the “liking” mistake. Leading in a partnership environment is not “slam dunk” easy. Many partnership leaders have been challenged by the “I am your partner, not your subordinate” comment from their colleagues. This factor can pose a real challenge, which seems to be the case for Janet. Indeed, the fact that she has not “asked them directly” about the problems indicates that she is a bit intimidated or uncomfortable with being in a position of authority over her colleagues, many of whom are older than she, and all of whom she considers friends. The most probable reason for the litigation group’s recent problems is that Janet likes her associates too much, but she has not yet learned how to love them. She needs to take her leadership role as seriously as she does her “lawyer” role. She needs to forget that her colleagues are also her friends, and from this point forward, love them enough to have that difficult conversation that addresses her concerns about their performance. Loving them includes dealing with their weaknesses and mistakes. If Janet fails to embrace her leadership responsibilities, her colleagues will continue to see her as a friend rather than a leader. The role of “first among equals” is a challenge that can only be handled if you love your associates, and show it, by being the leader. In regards to the young associates who quit, their departure may indicate that Janet has a staff problem. She needs to find out their reasons for leaving. It is possible that they really could not learn from the partners, or that Janet’s leadership was too weak for them to grow and achieve success. She needs to love the associates enough to make certain that they get the guidance and development they need to become effective lawyers.
| | | SECTION III –Tips From The Czar | | |
If you are promoted to a Leadership capacity, what should you do to start the job? This is a simple question, but there are no simple answers, as it really does depend on the circumstances under which you are appointed. However, there are a few thoughts that you should keep in mind each time you take a new job:
- Interview each person in the group - Even if you already know everyone, take the time to establish a relationship with each member that says, “You are important to me and the unit, and I want to take the time to focus on only you.” This also gives them a chance to tell you what is on their minds. You may be surprised by what you hear.
- Stop and Listen– Take your time, even if you have been there for years and think you know what needs to be done. It’s worthwhile to take a figurative step back to look at the unit’s activities from your new perspective. Taking the time to observe and listen will pay huge dividends in not only what you do, but how well you do.
- Take clear, decisive and thoughtful action– Do not wait too long to take actions; and when you do, the first decisions you make should be ones that you are highly confident are correct and will be accepted well by the team. This will send a clear signal to them that you can make sound decisions and will avoid having them second-guess you from the start.
Remember what your job is– For most of you as a Manager or supervisor, you are still a worker, but with the added responsibility of a leader. Do not let the team think that by being a leader you are going to slack off in your contribution, but at the same time, make certain that you show them that you know that you are now the leader and that they can look to you for that being something new you will do. Remember, you are leading people and that means you need to focus on them more than the work.
| | | SECTION IV –Ask The Czar | | |
Kim: I was just appointed project manager of an information technology project in the IT department of a large corporation and two days into the job, I have discovered that my best friend in the group is holding up the entire project. I have known him for ten years, and worked side by side with him for the last five years. I can not bring myself to tell him he is a problem, what can I do? The Czar: Well Kim, I have a simple question for you…Do you want to stay in your job as project leader? If you do, then you must get over this “I can not talk to him” mindset. You either need to talk to him, or you need to resign from the project leader position…I am afraid they are your only two options. Now, I am assuming that your assessment he is holding back the entire project is accurate. If so, then you have an obligation to love all of the other associates on the team, and to love your long time friend enough, to face the facts and to deal with it. His failure is hurting the other associates on the team, hurting him and hurting you and your attempt to achieve the mission of the team. Liking your friend is getting in the way of loving him. You need to think through tonight the discussion you will have, and then first thing tomorrow you need to have a conversation with him th! at clearly, but sensitively, communicates to him his failing. Bill: Last night at dinner with one of my associates, she asked me to give her two days off. The problem is we are faced with a huge and critical deadline and I really can not let her go. She pleaded with me and threatened to quit if I did not let her go. What can I do? The Czar: I must admit, my first reaction would be…Ok, quit! Now I know that’s not what you wanted to hear, and it is probably not what I would say, but your associate can not be allowed to threaten you. You need to sit back down with her and tell her that you would be happy to consider the days off at a later time, but unless it is an emergency, you just can let her go right now. In addition, you need to tell her that if she does not understand the sense of urgency, you would be happy to explain it again. As a closing comment, I think it is essential that you tell her that threats are not an effective way to maintain or build a quality relationship.
By the way…I hope that having dinner with her had something to do with work, otherwise, you need to be certain that you are not building a “like” relationship that might get in the way of being a quality Leader. Robert: I have been with my current employer since June. During that time I have worked to be part of the HR team that is in place and to learn the culture of the organization. There are two women in the Dept that just for lack of a better word, dislike me. I have talked to my boss about the issue and I have addressed the issue with the two women. With 20 very successful years in HR, this is the first time I've met people that acted like they don't want to work with me. What steps should I take to open better communications and to establish trust? The Czar: I can not tell what the hierarchical relationship is with the two women, but I suspect that they are more like peers than superiors or subordinates. Assuming that is correct, I sympathize with your problem. Based on when we received your question, you have had a little over four months to try to figure it out. I also suspect that this HR Department is not a huge one, hence your ability to remain in your current position will require you to resolve the problem. All of that said, my first advice is to recognize that there is a pretty good chance these folks have worked together for some time and your presence upsets that comfortable balance they have had. It is also possible that you are seen as a threat to their jobs. I suspect that with all your experience, they think that you may become a career blockage for them, or even become their boss. My suggestion is a great deal easier to make than to take: give it more time. These folks may be intentionally trying to make your life miserable, but you are the newcomer and you need to demonstrate, not through your words, but through your actions and performance that you want to be a productive member of the team and that your goal is to be helpful. A simple idea may be to look for a moment when one or both of them appear to need some help and extend yourself to help them, and make certain that they know that you are doing nothing to take credit for that help. My message is, you need to bit your tongue and try to get them to find it to be a good thing that you are there. Keep trying and I suspect that eventually they will get the message that you are not a threat to them and that you really are a nice guy. This may not be enough, and you may simply have a situation that can not be corrected, but assuming you want to (or must) stay in that unit, you are probably the one who needs to demonstrate that you want to be a great coworker. Please let us know how all that works. Send your questions to gerry@the-czar.com
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